Member-only story
My Sister’s Sunset
And saying goodbye
I gaze out behind bars, past the terrace and kitchen gardens, beyond the football pitch and red brick wall, to the rolling hills of the Berkshire downs. It is late afternoon and I am waiting for the call. A call I hope to never receive. Yet it is coming. And the staff and some of the patients know this too, and cast me awkward looks.
‘They wouldn’t do this to a dog,’ I say to Alan, another member of staff, who has joined me on the polished corridor to stare out to the horizon as companionable sentries. ‘They would put it down’
I don’t really know what I’m saying. Anything to fill the gaps and hide my grief from the world, and myself. Would I really want her to be put down like a dog? This was the mid-eighties and even before the opportunity to take rides to Dignitas in Switzerland. Would she want this, even if it is possible?
‘Sorry, mate,’ Alan mutters, shuffling his feet, coughing and showing all the signs of acute discomfort for being around me. It feels down to me to rescue him from this. As if I have taken a big shit in public and it’s my responsibility to clear it up and stop embarrassing everyone.
Then the Charge Nurse’s voice crackles over the tannoy system. ‘Mr Leaney to the office. Phone call.’
